


Million Reasons

by HyphyManatee



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Negan - Freeform, Negan x Reader - Freeform, the walking dead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 21:14:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16860424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyphyManatee/pseuds/HyphyManatee
Summary: Warnings: Slight mention of rape, alcohol consumption, language, fluffWord Count: 2,991





	Million Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Slight mention of rape, alcohol consumption, language, fluff
> 
> Word Count: 2,991

You sat in the window sill that you had decked out with comfy blankets and pillows. Negan was off to Alexandria once again to terrorize another innocent group of people. Your room was on one of the top floors of The Sanctuary. It was one of the nicest in the entire building. You assumed it was because you were Negan’s first wife, but not because he actually loved you. If he really loved you, why would he “marry” seven other women? At least you had your own space and didn’t have to share it with him or those other broads.

You stared down at the walkers stuck to the fence outside. You sighed and turned your gaze up to the distance. Lots of trees and blue sky. Another boring day. You were never allowed to leave, even though you were a great fighter. But Negan forbid it. You could only leave with him. But after you saw how he bashed those poor Alexandrian’s skulls in with Lucille, you refused to go anywhere with him. He didn’t seem to care. He had plenty of other women to fuck. You locked yourself in your room most of the time and avoided talking to anyone.

You thought back to the day you first met Negan, back at your first camp. He was so sweet. He cared for everyone, especially you. He always made sure you were comfortable and safe. You quickly fell in love with him and you believed he loved you back. After your camp was overrun by walkers, almost everyone was dead. Only you, Negan, Simon, and a few others survived. You and Negan tried your best to keep everyone safe but you failed. You failed your people. The only other person still alive from your original group is Simon. And you no longer cared for him either. 

You watched Negan and Simon over the years. You assumed it was the trauma that turned them into the monsters they have become today. Why didn’t you end up like them? You had seen everything they had. You had been shot, stabbed…raped. But you didn’t take it out on other innocent people. Here at the sanctuary, you have gained a much larger group, but you feel so alone. You weren’t sure who you could trust here. You had no friends or anyone you even wanted to talk to. The only way this place thrives is because Negan kills and scares other survivors and communities to death, taking whatever he wants from them.

Negan always knew you were a badass. With your Y/H/L, Y/H/C hair. Your black and spiked leather jacket, steel-toed combat boots, your ability to haul around machine guns and knives like a soldier. You rarely ever cried, and when you did it was never in front of Negan. You were his dream girl. Little did you know, that was the reason he married other women. He was intimidated by you. You were far too good for him. He wanted to have back up women for when you finally decided to leave him. He drowned his sorrows in pussy and killing the innocent.

You watched as a truck pulled up to the gates. Negan was back. You huffed and blew your bangs up into the air before walking over to your small kitchenette and making yourself a drink. Even when you and Negan weren’t talking, you still had full power around The Sanctuary. Everyone made sure you were fully stocked with all your favorite foods and drinks. You had movies and games and endless amounts of shit to keep you occupied, yet you spent most of your time staring out the fucking window. You were an amazing artist. You always tried to paint or draw but you left everything unfinished. Your room was a clusterfuck of crafts, one of the reasons Negan let you move into your own room instead of forcing you to stay in his. Plus he couldn’t force you to do shit. He knew that.

You stirred your margarita and went back to your spot on the window. You savored your first sip, and for a moment, you had a flash back to being on the beach in Mexico. Before the world went to shit. The sun on your face, your toes in the sand. Your hair salty. It was quickly interrupted by a knock on the door. You knew it was Dwight, letting you know that Negan was back. 

“What?” You said dryly. Dwight cracked open the door and peered inside. You were in booty shorts and a camo tank top that really hugged your figure. You never wore shoes when you were in your room. Your hair flowed down your back in light, beachy waves. No matter how long you had been away from the beach, you always looked like you never left.

Dwight swallowed hard before answering. You knew he had a huge crush on you. He was cute. You thought about fucking him. But no matter how much you hated it, your heart belonged to Negan. “Negan’s back. Wants ya to put this on and have dinner with him tonight.”

You turned to Dwight with a blank face to see him holding a long, red dress that sparkled in the sun light. He also held a single rose and a bottle of Malibu Rum. You growled and turned back to your view, sipping your margarita. 

“I’ll just leave it here.” Dwight told you as he tried to lay the dress down on the bed.

“No.” You said firmly. “Take it back to him. Tell him to fuck off.”

“Y/N…” Dwight began.

“Dwight.” You said firmly as you turned to look at him again. “Take it back.”

He looked at you and nodded slightly before turning his gaze to the ground and walking back towards the door.

“Wait,” you said. Dwight stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn to look at you. “Leave the Malibu.” You said. He placed the bottle on the dresser beside your door. “Thanks Dwight.” You said sweetly. He said nothing as he exited the room. Closing the door behind him.

You walked over to your stereo and put it in your (your favorite artist) CD. You turned it up loud and danced over to the bottle of Malibu. You locked your door and popped the lid off the bottle. You jumped on to your bed and chugged a good amount of the rum. You had turned into a bit of an alcoholic since the man you loved turned cold. At least alcohol made you feel warm. You sang along loudly to your music. Trying to drown out all of your thoughts. Forgetting the million reasons you had to leave Negan.

You were only three songs into your CD but you were already pretty buzzed. You didn’t hear the pounding on the door but you definitely noticed when the lock snapped and the door was kicked in. Negan walked in with Lucille swinging at his side. You stopped jumping on your bed when you saw him. He stood there and stared at you for a moment, his jaw clenched and his eyes dark.

He walked over to your stereo and violently pressed the off button. “What the fuck?!” You asked angrily. He stared at you and you stared back. You were the only one that could look Negan in the eyes as long as you needed. He chucked the red dress at you. The one Dwight had brought in before. 

“Put it on and let’s go.” He said firmly before heading towards the door. 

“Screw you!” You yelled, crossing your arms. he walked over and snatched the bottle from your hands. “Hey!”

“Drink enough booze yet?!” He asked aggressively.

“Kill enough people yet?” You snapped back. He shut his mouth and stared at you with his brows furrowed.

“You’ve killed people too, Y/N.” His voice softened.

“Yeah, when my life was in danger, or when yours was. Not just because I could.” You stepped down from the bed and walked back over to your window. Your comfort zone. 

“What happened to us, Y/N?” Negan asked. Anger was the only emotion you could hear in his voice.

“You. You happened to us.” You began. “You asked me to marry you three years ago. Told me you could never be without me. You used to love me. Then you turn into some kind of…of monster!” You threw your hands in the air. “You kill and take from innocent people who are just trying to survive like us! You marry a bunch of other women. Women who already had husbands that they love! Then you force their husbands to work for you. You say you want to protect this place, your people. But you don’t care about these people. You just want people to be scared of you. You take away their rights and you intimidate them! You’re a shitty fucking person Negan!” 

You stood there with your chest heaving. Finally letting out all of the built up anger. Once you calmed down a bit, you softened your tone. “I have been by your side since the day we met. I’ve never done you wrong. I fought for you. I stayed by your side. I even stuck by you when you decided to steal peoples wives and claim them as your own! When you already had me! What kind of man does that??” You could feel the tears swelling in your eyes. “What made you stop loving me??”

“I never stopped loving you, Y/N.” He pleaded quietly. His eyes were softer now. Hurt.

“Bullshit! Get out.” You told him. You didn’t need to hear another excuse. Words were just words. His actions showed you that he didn’t care anymore.

“Y/N, I-”

“Get the fuck out!” You screamed as the tears spilled from your eyes. Negan looked at you. He didn’t know what to say. He used to be so good with words. He always knew exactly how to make you feel better. That was all gone. He let go of you a long time ago. Why couldn’t you let go of him.

Negan looked down to the floor for a moment before exiting the room, slamming the now broken door behind him. 

You collapsed to the floor and let out loud sobs. Your heart hurt. The world was shit. Negan used to be your reason for wanting to live. Now you have nothing. He wasn’t the man you fell in love with anymore.

Negan leaned against the wall outside your door, listening to you cry your heart out. Tears fell silently from his eyes as he tried to remember the man he used to be. He still loved you with all of his heart but he had lost himself in this mess of a world. He forgot how to love you properly. He was so scared of losing you that he pushed you away.

You curled up in the fetal position on your floor as you continued to cry. After a few hours, you finally drifted off to sleep from all the booze and emotions taking over your body.

Negan came back to check on you after a few hours, like he did every night after he knew you fell asleep. He saw you on the floor, your face still red and sticky from crying. He let out a small whimper at the sight of you, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to hold back his tears. He took a deep breath then slowly moved towards you, gently scooping you off the floor and carrying you to your bed. He tucked your under your blanket and brushed your hair back from your face. He noticed the small smile form on your face and he hoped you were dreaming of him, though he knew if you were you wouldn’t be smiling. 

He wanted so badly to lay down beside you and hold you close like he used to. “I love you, Y/N…” He whispered as a single tear fell from his eye. He tried to hold back his tears but he couldn’t. He walked over to the window and stared out at the dark black sky. Only illuminated by the stars and moon.

Negan looked down to the nest you had created for yourself in the window sill. He noticed a small polaroid picture lying face down. He sniffed and wiped his nose quickly with the back of his hand before picking up the picture. He turned it over and smiled, but also began crying harder. He hadn’t seen this picture in two years. He totally forgot about it. It was a picture that your best friend took of you and Negan before she died. You were looking into the camera, laughing your heart out and he had his arms wrapped around you, smiling at you with love in his eyes. It was your favorite picture because you can see the love radiating from the two of you. 

Negan walked over and sat on the bed beside you. He stared at the photo for a moment longer, remembering how much he loves you. He placed the picture on the bed side table so it would be the first thing you would see when you woke up. 

Negan kicked off his shoes and removed his pants and jacket. Leaving him in nothing but his boxers and white t-shirt. He laid down beside you and kissed you lightly on the cheek. “I’m sorry, Y/N…” he whispered, “I’m gonna be better for you.”

Your eyes fluttered open as the sunlight shined obnoxiously through your window. You took a deep breath and stretched yourself awake. It took you a moment before you realized the picture sitting on your night stand. You picked it up and looked at it. Normally you were numb, but looking at it now, you couldn’t help but shed a tear. You sat up in bed and stared at the picture, remembering the day perfectly. It was one of the few days where nobody died. You had a safe spot to stay for the day and you and your group had so much fun drinking and laughing. You both looked so young and happy. You’d do anything to have that back.

Your attention was taken away from the photo by the door opening up slowly. You looked up to see Negan entering your room with a tray of food. “Good morning.” He said with a warm smile. He was wearing sweats and a t-shirt. You noticed his shoes and jacket in your room and realized he had slept with you last night.

Negan walked over and placed the tray on the table. “What are you doing, Negan?” You asked with a disappointed tone of voice. He sat down on the bed beside you and took your hand in his, kissing it softly. 

“Y/N, look…” He began. You held your breath for whatever he was about to say. “I know this probably won’t mean much, but I never stopped loving you. I don’t think I ever could. I married all those other women because you are too good for me and I know you will leave me one day. I hate who I’ve become. I don’t know how to stop being this way. All I know is that I need you. None of this matters without you. I’m sorry. I really am. And I’m gonna show you. I know it will take time but I swear by it. I will show you how much I love you.” Your eyes started to swell. You were scared, but you needed to hear him say those words. “I know it is going to take time to earn back your trust. But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Are you gonna let all the girls go back to their husbands? Am I gonna be your only one?” You said as tears began to fall from your eyes. “Are you going to stop killing and taking from innocent people?”

Negan nodded his head as tears began to fall from his own eyes. “Yes. You are the only one I want. I’m so sorry.” He fell into your arms and buried his face in your neck. “I have to take care of some things but I will find another way to provide for this place. I’ll stop hurting people. Just please stay.” He said as he cried, soaking your skin and hair, making your hair stick to your neck. You held him tightly as you both took a few moments to let your emotions out. You held on to him and let out your own cries. You hadn’t seen Negan be vulnerable in years. Your heart melted for him. You remembered how much you loved him. 

Negan pulled away from you and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I was hoping,” he began as he caught his breath, “I could take you out today. Just you and me. We can pack some food and go somewhere with a view. I just want to spend time with you.” He told you shyly. You hadn’t seen Negan lack confidence in years. It was like he was a teenage boy asking you out for the first time. 

You couldn’t help but giggle. You placed your hands on either side of his face and pulled him in close for a kiss. When your lips met, it felt electric. You hadn’t kissed him, really kissed him, in weeks. It felt like the first time all over again. 

Once you pulled away, you bit your lip and stared into his eyes. “Yes. I’d love that babe.” You told him. “But first, lets start the day off right.” You said playfully as you pulled your shirt off over your head, exposing your naked breasts. You pulled him on top of you and kissed him deeply. Ready to feel all of him. Ready to feel the feeling you hadn’t felt in months.


End file.
